Okay boys and girls, here is our legal disclaimer: the following “advice” column is for entertainment purposes and should not be used in the place of professional counseling. Each situation is different and your specific circumstance may require further investigation and assistance by a trained professional.

We take a no-nonsense approach to other people’s problems. You can always count on that. So with that in mind, if you would like some assistance on a particular issue, send us your questions to daddyjs@bringingdaddyback.com.

Dear daddyJ’s,

Do you want to watch your child being born? Prefer to stay up by your wife’s head? Or don’t want to be in the room at all? I’m curious as to what all of the men prefer. – TO WATCH OR NOT TO WATCH IN VERNAL?

daddyjeff

To each his own on this one. However, I personally did not watch the birth of my two sons per se. I occupied my time holding one of my wife’s hands repeating the words, “Push, you can do it, and breath” in whatever order addressed the need at the moment. My body was to my wife’s side but I was steadfastly facing her head and my back was facing towards the “affected area”.

Video cameras were outlawed because there are some things only a trained professional should handle. My personal opinion is that doctors go to school for about 8 years for a reason. And that reason is because it takes that long to numb someone to the site of a bloody head poking out of a va-jayjay. I didn’t cut the chord. (And maybe I should have) I also didn’t eat the placenta. We’ll just leave that to those freaks that come out at night.

daddyjason

I think the days of the men hanging out in the waiting room, telling war stories and passing out cigars really was the epitome of male involvement in the birthing process. I think most men, secretly on the inside, agree with me. That being said, it’s pretty standard for men to be in the birthing room now. But being IN the room and WATCHING what’s happening are two different things. Be there, be supportive…but be careful where you look. Some things can never be forgotten…

Dear daddyJ’s,

A few months ago, my best friend from childhood, “Stacey,” got married. I was her maid of honor. Stacey’s parents have been separated since we graduated high school but just haven’t divorced yet (financial reasons). Anyway, at the wedding, I had more than a few drinks (after all, it was open bar and my job as MOH was to lead the fun). Stacey’s dad, “Bob,” and I started talking. A lot. When we were teens, Stacey’s friends and I used to joke that her dad was hot. Well, wow. He actually is. There was a connection. Needless to say, it was awkward around Stacey’s mom since she used to make us cookies all the time and here I am flirting with her almost ex-husband. He’s my best friend’s dad. It’s weird, I know. Anyway, after the wedding, Bob and I started dating. We didn’t tell anyone. He makes me laugh, has great taste in wine, and well, let’s just say that there’s some benefits to dating an older, more experienced man.

I’ve wanted to tell Stacey but there really is no easy way to say it. Her parents are separated and are going to divorce, but it still really bothers her. Bob wants to tell her, but I’ve been taking an “I’ll deal with it tomorrow” approach. But here’s the real problem. Bob has Red Sox season tickets. He has four seats for their next game against the Yankees. He wants to invite Stacey and her husband. And me. Can we say awkward? I know I need to tell Stacey and I certainly don’t want a scene at Fenway. (I mean, it’s the Yankees!). How do I tell her? I don’t want to ruin anything. I am enjoying my time with Bob. I like him and I want to keep seeing him. I also don’t want to lose my best friend. Do I just show up at the game with Bob and hope she doesn’t flip out? Do I talk to her ahead of time? Does Bob tell her? – I’M IN LOVE WITH STACEY’S DAD IN BOSTON

daddyjeff

There are a ton of issues going on here and most of them revolve around you. Nonetheless, I think this is best answered in song.

I know that…

[Chorus]
Stacey’s Dad must have it goin’ on,
He’s what you want,
The divorce is taking so long,
Stacey can’t you see,
You’re friend is a hoe fo sho,
It’s so totally wrong,
That you’re in love with Stacy’s Dad.

That potentially was a tad bit harsh, but we here at Bringing Daddy Back despise divorces. They are ill-advised solutions and fail to resolve the core issue of the problem. In most cases, divorces cause more problems than whatever issue existed in the first place that “caused” the divorce. Besides, they are still married so you will be forever entrenched in the “Home-wrecker” category regardless of how you justify your actions.

So to answer your question, it really doesn’t matter when you tell her. Stacey is going to be irate at you and angry at her dad for some unspecified time period. Honesty is always the best policy and if she is ever going to be your friend again, the sooner you tell her then the sooner time will start to take effect and the sooner that will happen (if it ever does). My actual suggestion is that you end this love affair so that maybe some type of reconciliation, if possible, may begin and the divorce will be averted.

Nonetheless, thanks for the question. I really enjoyed listening to some Fountains of Wayne as I prepared my response.

daddyjason

I just don’t think it’s cool that you were flirting with Stacey’s dad when her mom was making you cookies. I think you might have crossed some sort of line there. And I’m not sure but I’m thinking Stacey isn’t going to be cool with the fact that you trace your relationship to her dad back to her own wedding. The whole thing leaves a bad taste in my mouth…tastes like burned cookies. I think the Red Sox game is the least of your worries. I don’t see any way this doesn’t end with Stacey flipping out. It’s going to be uglier than what the Yankees are going to do to the Sox. I suggest you skip the game and spend that time finding a new best friend cause the one you got is gonna be gone at the end of this story.

Editor’s Note: to avoid being accused of plagiarism, we must state that we can neither confirm or deny whether we may have possibly “borrowed” these questions (with some editing) from online sources until we begin to receive actual questions. Just sayin’.

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