Archive for the ‘ relationships ’ Category

Who Needs a Daddy?

father_childMark Alexander has posted an interesting Essay over at The Patriot Post entitled “Who Needs a Father” that is right in line with the truth we have been espousing on this site and is also quite timely with Father’s Day coming up this weekend.

The essay pays “tribute to the irreplaceable and inseparable institutions of marriage and fatherhood — and the importance of a father’s love, discipline, provision and protection for his family.” It also says a few plain spoken truths about the damage that daddy-less homes have caused in this country.

Below you will find an excerpt from the essay. I encourage you to read the entire essay, however, as there’s plenty of good stuff packed in it.

In 295 B.C., Mencius wrote, “The root of the kingdom is in the state. The root of the state is in the family. The root of the family is in the person of its head.”

When fathers do not take on their parental responsibilities, broken marriages and families are the result. These, in turn, lead to broken societies.

Thus, the failure of fatherhood has much more than mere social or cultural consequences; it is a menacing national security threat. The collective social pathology of the fatherless presents a great obstacle to Liberty and the survival of our republican form of government as outlined by our Constitution.

Father’s Day should thus be a call to action. Indeed, the majority of social entropy afflicting our nation today originates in homes without fathers, which definition includes those without functioning or effective fathers.

Currently, almost 60 percent of black children, 32 percent of Hispanic children and 21 percent of white children live in single-parent homes. (See Bill Cosby’s “Truth about Black America.”) According to the CDC, DoJ, DHHS and the Bureau of the Census, children who live apart from their fathers account for 63 percent of teen suicides, 70 percent of juveniles in state-operated institutions, 71 percent of high-school dropouts, 75 percent of children in chemical-abuse centers, 80 percent of rapists, 85 percent of youths in prison, 85 percent of children who exhibit behavioral disorders, and 90 percent of homeless and runaway children. (When these children become “adults,” the social consequences become even worse.)

Generationally, daughters who have been abandoned by their fathers are seven times more likely to have children as teenagers and 92 percent more likely to divorce.

A successful fatherhood begins with a healthy marriage. To be good fathers, we must first be good husbands.

I have been blessed with many mentors, including Dr. Jim Lee, director of Living Free ministries. Jim taught me that the Christian marriage paradigm is built on a foundation of five principles: “First, God is the creator of the marriage relationship; second, heterosexuality is God’s pattern for marriage; third, monogamy is God’s design for marriage; fourth, God’s plan for marriage is for physical and spiritual unity; and fifth, marriage was designed to be permanent.”

Concern about marital infidelity and the consequences for children are timeless. John Adams wrote in his diary on 2 June 1778, “The foundation of national morality must be laid in private families. … How is it possible that Children can have any just Sense of the sacred Obligations of Morality or Religion if, from their earliest Infancy, they learn their Mothers live in habitual Infidelity to their fathers, and their fathers in as constant Infidelity to their Mothers?”

I note here that while most fatherless homes are the result of neglect on the part of fathers, an increasing number of fatherless homes result from mothers who separate without reasonable grounds from the fathers of their children.

Fortunately, some young people reared by a single parent, or in critically dysfunctional or impoverished homes, overcame that impediment. Either they were blessed with a parent who, against all but insurmountable odds, instilled them with the values and virtues of good citizenship or, somewhere along the way, those children were lifted out of their misery by some other grace of God — often in the form of a significant mentor who modeled individual responsibility and good character.

However, the vast majority of children from homes without fathers are not so fortunate, as statistically confirmed above.

TwitterFacebookDiggDeliciousStumbleUponTumblrShare

Book Review: Who Moved My Cheese?

“An a-mazing way to deal with change in your work and in your life”

While this book doesn’t pertain to daddies per say, we feel it’s one of those must own books. It’s usually used in a business setting but can easily be applied to the family as well, or really anything that involves some type of change.

Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson, M.D. is one of our recommended readings. Spencer Johnson co-authored The One-Minute Manager with Ken Blanchard (which is another excellent book). Personally, if you find a book written by either Spencer Johnson, M.D. or Ken Blanchard (or even both), we think you should buy it immediately.

This very small book is easy to read and is also a quick read. The main story portion is only about 50 pages of large print, at least in my copy, with about 15 of those pages consisting of only “cheese hand-writings on the wall” – something you’ll understand once you start reading. These are things that one of the four main characters learns along the way; in reality, it’s probably the character that most readers will identify with most often.

[Possible Spoiler Alert]

I do not intend to give away any important details of the book but just in case your important details and my important details are not aligned, I will give the spoiler alert. The four characters consist of two mice – Sniff and Scurry – and two Littlepeople (essentially mouse-sized human types) – Hem and Haw. They are trapped in a maze in which they must travel through to find cheese. However, they must find The Cheese… with a capital C. The Cheese makes people happy and it’s different for each person.

Throughout the story we learn that Cheese isn’t necessarily a substance that is needed to keep you alive, but it is something that we learn to rely on. That is, until it’s gone. (Insert scary music here) Dunt dunt dunnnn! Life will not stay the course. Life is not dependable; well, other than death and taxes of course. Change is inevitable so it’s important that you are watching and waiting for that change to happen. That way you are prepared to properly deal with it. This book offers a fun way of seeing that need.

This book is easy to find locally or please feel free to check out our recommended readings and order through the link provided via Amazon.com. If you are dealing with any kind of change at the moment, whether it be through your job, your marriage, your kids, or whatever, this quick little story will definitely give you some alternatives to how you view those changes. Your attitude can directly affect your productivity.

Remember that just because something has worked in the past, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s going to be as successful in the future. If you read our recent post The Second Child, you’ll realize it’s something I should have learned a bit faster.

Who Moved My Cheese?
Spencer Johnson, M.D.
G.P. Putnam’s Sons
New York
www.WhoMovedMyCheese.com

TwitterFacebookDiggDeliciousStumbleUponTumblrShare

Video: Johnny and Chachi – Killer Marriage Tips

Since the rapture didn’t happen as predicted and we are still here, it’s time to get back to business. We have some fun stuff in store for our readers as well as some serious posts in the works. Today is about fun and helpful… well, sort of… at least helpful in what not to do. Enjoy this little video from Johnny and Chachi (the same pair that brought us the Don’t Song) with special guest Gary Smalley. Killer Marriage Tips:

TwitterFacebookDiggDeliciousStumbleUponTumblrShare

Music Video: The Don’t Song – Johnny and Chachi

The characters are a little over the top but the song is funny. Johnny and Chachi started doing some skits for churches and these characters just took off. We realize this video and song is more for couples and their relationship but that’s part of being a Daddy as well so we immediately approved it for our site. So sit back and relax and enjoy a few minutes of some good times about things a husband just shouldn’t do in regards to his wife.

Don’t do it! Regardless of how much you want to, don’t do it!

TwitterFacebookDiggDeliciousStumbleUponTumblrShare

What a Daddy Can Learn from the Bible: Jesus Feeds the Five Thousand

Jesus feeds the five thousand

It would be a huge mistake on our part if we failed to draw lessons and inspiration from the greatest collection of books ever written. The Bible no doubt offers timeless lessons about parenting and basic manhood that we will definitely explore and take advantage of. Some lessons are directly about being a parent or a father, while others you’ll find take an indirect path but both have real world application such as this one that I’ve chosen today.

It’s a well known story about Jesus performing a miracle in order to simply feed dinner to thousands of people. We never really find out how He did it, just why. He saw a need and had compassion and went above and beyond what anyone would have ever expected of Him. The following is copied and pasted from Bible.com – Matthew 14:13-21:

Five Thousand Fed

13Now when Jesus heard about John, He withdrew from there in a boat to a secluded place by Himself; and when the people heard of this, they followed Him on foot from the cities.
14When He went ashore, He saw a large crowd, and felt compassion for them and healed their sick.
15When it was evening, the disciples came to Him and said, “This place is desolate and the hour is already late; so send the crowds away, that they may go into the villages and buy food for themselves.”
16But Jesus said to them, “They do not need to go away; you give them something to eat!”
17They said to Him, “We have here only five loaves and two fish.”
18And He said, “Bring them here to Me.”
19Ordering the people to sit down on the grass, He took the five loaves and the two fish, and looking up toward heaven, He blessed the food, and breaking the loaves He gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the crowds,
20and they all ate and were satisfied. They picked up what was left over of the broken pieces, twelve full baskets.
21There were about five thousand men who ate, besides women and children.

Now I know you’re probably asking what in the world does this story have to do with being a Daddy. Well, you’re in luck because I’m going to tell you. See how well this works out. (Of course, it’s always easy to write when I give you the question you should ask and then answer it.) Nonetheless, my focus is really on 4, maybe 3, words from verse 17.

“We have here only…”

Daddyjason wrote a pretty good article similar to this thought not too long ago titled – What Makes a Daddy Fun? “We have here only” or in other words, “We only have…” Being a good Daddy can be overwhelming and we can feel that we don’t have all the right tools. “But God, I only have… (fill in the blank).” But isn’t that all that God asks? To give simply what we have? He’s not going to ask us to give what we do not have and even if one day He does decide to do just that, He’s going to make sure there is a way we can obtain it.

Our children are no different. Well, maybe a little different. They are not divine by any means and they have no way to obtain things without our help but ultimately they need only what we have. For most of us who have little buying power, what we have is without matter but matters a ton. What I mean by this is that the gifts that we can give our children that will matter the most as they grow into adults is going to be the intangibles such as: our love, our time, security and protection, purpose, and self-esteem. While they will want everything in a well designed commercial or well-placed ad, those things will eventually break down and be thrown away; on the other hand, the intangible gifts will not perish.

I’m reminded of a powerful story from an unknown author. One day a father was locking up the doors for the night and went to check on his children to make sure they were ready for bed. His son’s door was slightly cracked and he saw him knelt beside his bed with his head down. He overheard his son praying, “Dear God, please help me to grow up to be just like my Daddy.” The father immediately went to his own bedside fighting the tears in his eyes and prayed his own prayer, “Oh dear God, please help me to be the man my son thinks I am.”

You don’t have to do great things to be a great man or a great daddy. You just need to be grateful that God chose you to be their daddy. And be grateful to give God and your children only what you have to give.

TwitterFacebookDiggDeliciousStumbleUponTumblrShare

Good Daddies are Sexy

That’s right! We said it and we believe it. It’s no secret that men are visually stimulated for the most part. And women are too, but they are more emotionally stimulated and connection driven.

During courtship, men usually pull out all the stops. We send gifts, write notes, wear our better clothes, and go to places or participate in events that we normally wouldn’t when trying to win the heart of that sweet little thing we saw across the way. It generally works until they get to know us. Eventually we find one that sticks around a little longer than the others and for awhile we can do no wrong.  Yay us!

Then that magical moment happens and they actually fall in love with us.  They tell their friends and giggle all night and then they have a pillow fight in their pajamas.  At least that is how I think it all happens (and don’t kill my fantasy with such particulars as the truth; I’d rather not know that I’m wrong about that last part).

Nonetheless, somewhere between the time when she decided to stick with you a little longer and that magical moment when she decided that she wanted to be your wife, she probably made a determination on whether she thought you would be good with children.  More importantly, she made a determination on whether you would be good for her children.  If a woman thinks that you will be a good Daddy, then her attraction level towards you increases.  On the contrary, if she thinks that you would not be a good Daddy then you are probably on a short leash and she is participating in occasional “window shopping”.

A recent study shows that women are able to see subtle changes of expressions in a man’s face and determine if they like children.  The study also reveals that women preferred a long-term relationship with the men that did show an affinity for children.  For the men whose facial expressions did not show a fondness for children, women primarily opted for nothing more than a short-term relationship.  I kind of made my own conclusion on this, but I understand this to mean that they would date these men but only until they decided they were looking for a marriage partner.  These men would be okay for as long as she was still in “having fun” mode.  But that subject is for a future article.

This is not a one-sided affair however, because it works with other men too.  That’s right, there’s nothing wrong with a little man love.  I’d be lying if I told you that I didn’t have a man crush on some certain professional athletes and celebrities.  It is what it is.  The more manly term is actually ‘respect’.  I respect their ability to play football, act, sing, etc.  The same thing happens when you witness another man making the right decision and showing his children how to do things the right way.  This respect is, in a way, increased attractiveness (heterosexually speaking of course – in case you were wondering where my allegiances lie).  As a man, I am more willing and able to bond with another man if he is a positive role model for his children.  I would definitely distance myself from any that might abuse their children (either physically or verbally).

So there you have it.  Be a good Daddy and you’ll increase your attractiveness.   You will gain respect among others and the mother of your children will be more likely to allow herself to love you deeper.  According to Fathers.com, a recent poll reveals that “72% of Americans believe that the physical absence of a father is the most significant social problem facing our country.”  We are here to do our best to remedy that so if you are making your best effort to be a Daddy to your children then you already have our respect.  So get on with your big sexy daddy self!  We got your back.

TwitterFacebookDiggDeliciousStumbleUponTumblrShare

A Good Daddy is a Good Husband

“The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.”
– Theodore Hesburgh, Catholic Priest and President Emeritus of the University of Notre Dame

One of the first steps in being a positive role model for your children is to love their mother openly and affectionately.  The mother-child bond is easily the hardest bond to break between any two people.  We would all rather be nurtured than disciplined, supported rather than taught, or loved with affection rather than loved with toughness.  It is of little wonder that you seldom hear or read the words “Hi Dad” at sporting events or other public venues.  There is also little doubt that “tough love” is necessary for real life application and personal growth and generally “Daddy” is better equipped to give that.

daddyjeff commentsChildren need to see that their mother is loved.  I have two sons and each deserve to see a proper example on how to love a woman.  That’s not to say I’m claiming to be the perfect husband.  I have many flaws that need correcting – just ask her – but I am 100% sure she knows I love her.  I hope in some conscious or unconscious way they are taking notes, storing up memories, and learning why Daddy looks at Mommy in that way sometimes.

Public displays of affection are okay in my book (to a certain point of course).  I have no intention of getting his and hers matching tattoos or getting arrested for public indecency any time soon.  But… we do hold hands (usually after her initiative), I usually have my hand on her shoulder in church, and cute little peck kisses are not uncommon.  Date night is of the utter importance when we are able to secure a babysitter or our church holds their periodic Parents Night Out.  Keeping close to your wife is so vital to your family structure.  You may not always agree and you may not always want to be in the same room together but you can always reconcile and come back together.  And, well, making up…  that’s just a whole lot of fun.

I’ve come to realize that household chores should be shared as well.  How you share is up to you and your spouse I suppose.  My wife and I have not actually sat down to claim upkeep responsibilities and maybe we should.  My wife has more household duties “assigned” to her by assumption than what is actually considered fair.  Don’t get me wrong, I vacuum, do dishes, work on laundry, etc.  I just  have to admit it’s usually not equal.  And I don’t want to show my sons that it’s okay not to help around the house.  I’m willing to bet that some increased effort on my part to help a little more than I have will go along way in strengthening our relationship.  Either that or hiring a cleaning service if the means presents itself (which would be awesome).

daddyjason commentsI had a conversation with one of my brothers recently that really brings home what Jeff has said here. We were talking about my parents and their little idiosyncrasies and the conversation turned to the ways in which my parents show love for one another. And during that conversation we both realized that neither of us could think of a single instance where we ever doubted that our father truly loves our mother. Throughout all the years we’ve known them, never once has he ever given us a reason to believe he has anything but love and respect for her. Sure, there are times when he might have lost his patience or been upset but not once did he ever say or do anything, even in anger, that made us wonder if he loved our mother.

I think it was not only the love that my dad has for my mother but also the respect he showed her that has rubbed off on us more than anything. My mom and dad were truly equals in their marriage (at least in front of us kids) and in a time when you didn’t necessarily see that equality between man and woman.

This love and respect that I grew up witnessing on a daily basis is now the basis for my marriage and is what I hope to show my daughter through my actions towards her mother. Like Jeff, I know I’m not perfect. However, the one thing I hope I can do is show my daughter that her mother is loved.

I hope that my daughter will grow up knowing that she too deserves to be treated with nothing but love and respect. It’s so easy in today’s world, for girls especially, to grow up with so many insecurities that they often make poor decisions. If we daddies can help our daughters, even a little, by showing them how a good husband and a good daddy loves then it should be a very easy gift to give.

TwitterFacebookDiggDeliciousStumbleUponTumblrShare