Okay boys and girls, here is our legal disclaimer: the following “advice” column is for entertainment purposes and should not be used in the place of professional counseling. Each situation is different and your specific circumstance may require further investigation and assistance by a trained professional.

We take a no-nonsense approach to other people’s problems. You can always count on that. So with that in mind, if you would like some assistance on a particular issue, send us your questions to daddyjs@bringingdaddyback.com.

Dear daddyJ’s,

There are times when my wife doesn’t make any sense to me. I don’t understand her. Can you help? – CONFUSED IN TUCSON

daddyjeff

See that picture? It’s supposedly Volume 1 on a book about women. We haven’t made it past the Table of Contents. The fact that she is a woman inherently implies a lack of understanding on your part. So, no. We can’t help you. Sorry.

The best thing to do is nod in agreement. Even if she comes home with new furniture, you will still come out on top. Time is money and no man really has that kind of time.

daddyjason

It’s unlikely. Since I have plenty of trouble understanding my own wife at times I have doubts that I will be able to understand yours.

I’m joking, of course (well, sort of). The truth is that our mates can be hard to understand sometimes…especially when we’re looking at them through our own point of view. The easiest way of getting to understand your wife better is…wait for it…asking her!

Communication! The pillar of any good relationship is being able to communicate with the other person. You see, God made us all different and there is no one perfect way of understanding another person (especially of the opposite sex). However, by talking to that person, sharing things with that person, and seeking to get to know that person, you also learn how to understand them – you will learn to put yourself in her shoes and see where she’s coming from. Her actions and statements that once confused and bewildered you will actually start to make sense! It’s like magic, but better because you don’t have to distract anyone with prestidigitation (sleight of hand).

Dear daddyJ’s,

Our daughter, “Julie,” came home for the weekend so we could meet her new boyfriend, “Scott.” He’s a delightful young man, and my daughter is clearly smitten.

When I suggested Scott sleep in the guest room, Julie and my wife gave me this perplexed look as though I’m from a different planet. In the end, I was deeply disappointed that they shared a bedroom. After 30 years of marriage, this created the first disagreement between my wife and me in a long time.

I’m no prude. My wife and I had our share of premarital mambo, but we always slept in separate rooms while visiting our families before we were married. It was about respect for our parents’ feelings.

Julie spends a lot of time with Scott’s family where they share a room. My wife is afraid if we don’t provide common accommodations in our home, our daughter will be less inclined to visit.

I welcome your thoughts. Is expecting some sense of propriety being a curmudgeonly father? — STUMPED AND TRUMPED IN OHIO

daddyjeff

First of all, mommajulie and I are going to have a little talk. I need to make sure there are no unapproved extracurricular activities going on around here.

Second of all, I’m going to need you to put on your big boy pants. Oh wait… nevermind, she already has them on. Truthfully, this is a conversation that should have happened long ago, or at the very least once everyone knew visitors were coming. You both need to be on the same page as parents so that when adversity strikes, you can lean on each other for support without fear of the bottom dropping out beneath you. It’s never safe to assume you each know what each other is thinking, especially when it’s your wife.

Age was not given, but since you’ve been married for 30 years, I think it’s safe to assume that “Julie” is an adult by this point. While you still hold the role of guide and teacher, she has probably already formed her own personal moral standards. God will take over from here. I would suggest sitting your wife down in the time out chair… no wait… I mean, sitting your wife down after you’ve made dinner and talk it out. Make sure you have clear cut reasons to support your decision so that next time there is no question as to what the sleeping arrangements are going to be.

Lastly, don’t ever use the word curmudgeonly again.

daddyjason

It’s obvious that you are right and your wife is wrong. And I’m not just saying that because you’re the dad. Just like you mentioned, this is a matter of respect. Now, it would be easy to say this is a moral or religious issue and to say that they shouldn’t be sleeping in the same room simply because they’re not yet married…which is true in your house…but it goes past that argument.

Your wife’s argument kind of sounds like the old classic, “everyone else is doing it,” which doesn’t fly with daddyjason. After all, if everyone else were jumping off a bridge… Your daughter should respect your feelings in this manner whether they stem from your religious beliefs or not and whether it has any bearing on whether or not she has premarital sex at any other time. It doesn’t have to happen under your roof and you have every right to ask that even the appearance of it be dealt with by having them sleep in separate rooms.

I’d hate to suggest you break out the Head of Household card and put your foot down but if you feel strongly enough about it that you took the time to write someone you’ve never met for advice…well, maybe it’s time…and I don’t mean that in a sexist way. But you have every right to ask for respect in this situation and if they won’t give it to you, you should demand it. It’s your house and you make the rules. Hey, that actually fits this situation.

The truth is your wife will know you are right, and, though she may be upset that you’re taking a stand that could result in her seeing less of her daughter, I believe she’ll support you in the end. And yes, your daughter could choose to not visit so she won’t have to abide by your sleep arrangements, but in the end I think she too will see that this is a matter of respect and will respect you enough to acquiesce to your request. After all, she is your daughter.

Editor’s Note: to avoid being accused of plagiarism, we must state that we can neither confirm or deny whether we may have possibly “borrowed” the second question from a Dear Abby submission. Just sayin’.

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