A recent article in FamilyFun magazine asks the question “What Makes a Dad Fun?” The article itself (which is actually called My Fun Dad) is a follow-up to a previous month’s edition in which the editors asked kids to tell them – in words and drawings – about the fun they have with their dads.

As you might expect, the kids whose letters are featured have all sorts of answers but I found a not-so-surprising similarity in their answers.

The Grand Prize Winner was a 6-year-old from here in Austin named Rebekah Garza who says that her dad is teaching her how to play the guitar.

… “I like playing guitar because my family likes it. My dad says it’s in my genes. It’s fun because I know a lot, and he doesn’t make it so hard on me.”

It sounds to me like Rebekah’s father, Rick, has found that perfect balance between encouraging his daughter and still teaching her at the same time. Not only is Rebekah learning to play the guitar (at the age of 6, I might add) but she loves learning because her father is making it fun for her and spending what I can only assume is some really quality time with her.

We can learn a lot from what Rebekah wrote as well as what some of the other children wrote:

“I have fun with my dad when I work in the yard with him… I like it because I’m with my dad. He lets me do things all by myself and try things that I have not done before. We get to spend time alone together without anyone bothering us.” – Austin Connors, Age 8
 

“I love my daddy. We have fun together painting pictures… The most fun I have with my daddy is dressing up like cowboys and riding our horse, Fox.” – Braden Noah Mills, Age 5
 

“My dad is the most fun dad ever because he spends more time with us than other dads do…” – Reagan M. Shull, Age 9
 

“My dad’s name is David. He is very funny… He quits anything he is doing to skateboard with me… He cheers me on at swim meets and comes to watch me play tennis… He rushes home from work so he can come home and play with me…” – Kaala Puglisi, Age 7
 

“… I have so much fun with my stepdad building forts in the living room with blankets and pillows. We sing, tell jokes, and he even plays beauty shop with me when I beg!…” – Adia Chaney, Age 9

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see the pattern in these letters. Every one of these daddies spends time with their children and plays with them and makes them feel special.

Take a minute to look at the things these children think are important:

• working in the yard together
• just spending time together alone
• being allowed to try new things by themselves
• painting pictures together
• riding horses together
• skateboarding together
• showing up and cheering them on at athletic events
• rushing home from work to play
• building forts in the living room with pillows and blankets
• singing and telling jokes together
• playing beauty shop!

There isn’t a single thing on this list that involves spending vast amounts of money or even really going out of our way to do. These kids don’t want their daddies to buy them expensive toys and take them to theme parks or exotic locations around the world – they want daddy to spend time with them and play with them and just be there for them.

Jason has some excellent points here so I decided to ask my boys the same question.  I was a little bit excited, a little bit scared, and a little bit apprehensive about what the answers might be.  To avoid embarrassment, I had my wife ask the question and record the answers.  Here are the responses unedited.  It may not all make sense but you will get the idea.

Matthew (Age 5) – I like to play with him.  He belongs with us.  He’s fun because he married Momma.  I like to play football and soccer ball.  We like to play Star Wars Legos.  He always beats me with more coins.  We like to watch movies and eat popcorn.  The park is fun.  My all time favorite is watching movies and eating popcorn.  Some times he’s silly.  He makes funny faces.

Andrew (Age 1) – Oouh… ay ya ya… de da da doo…  bah. (liberal translation: Everything Daddy does is fun.  Great answer son… great answer!)

My daughter, Makenzie, just turned two so she’s in a stage where her answer to everything is pretty much the same, but Jeff wanted me to ask her anyway so I did. The results weren’t surprising…

daddyjason: Is daddy fun?
Makenzie: yeah!
daddyjason: Do you like to spend time with daddy?
Makenzie: yeah!
daddyjason: What about daddy makes him fun?
Makenzie: yeah!

While we may not have gotten “perfect” answers from our kids, we did prove a point. All too often we parents, fathers especially maybe, get busy and caught up with work and all the other things we think we have to do and don’t take the time to just stop and enjoy our children. Even taking the time to ask them “silly” questions like Jeff and I did can result in some fun and memorable moments sometimes.

Some fathers try to make it up to their kids for being absent by buying them expensive presents and claiming they’re “just trying to give their children all the things they never had growing up,” but they aren’t really doing their children any favors. Kids don’t want things – not really; they want their daddy.

While this article is talking about the types of things that make daddies fun, the truth is those are the same things that make a father a daddy in the first place. That is, they’re the same qualities that make a man a good father to his children. When we’re talking about “bringing daddy back” this is a big part of what we’re talking about.

I think the whole point is best summed up by my favorite letter in the article. This letter is from Lexie Eaton, Age 6, and it says simply:

“My dad lets me reel in the fish even if he catches them.”

That’s right! We said it and we believe it. It’s no secret that men are visually stimulated for the most part. And women are too, but they are more emotionally stimulated and connection driven.

During courtship, men usually pull out all the stops. We send gifts, write notes, wear our better clothes, and go to places or participate in events that we normally wouldn’t when trying to win the heart of that sweet little thing we saw across the way. It generally works until they get to know us. Eventually we find one that sticks around a little longer than the others and for awhile we can do no wrong.  Yay us!

Then that magical moment happens and they actually fall in love with us.  They tell their friends and giggle all night and then they have a pillow fight in their pajamas.  At least that is how I think it all happens (and don’t kill my fantasy with such particulars as the truth; I’d rather not know that I’m wrong about that last part).

Nonetheless, somewhere between the time when she decided to stick with you a little longer and that magical moment when she decided that she wanted to be your wife, she probably made a determination on whether she thought you would be good with children.  More importantly, she made a determination on whether you would be good for her children.  If a woman thinks that you will be a good Daddy, then her attraction level towards you increases.  On the contrary, if she thinks that you would not be a good Daddy then you are probably on a short leash and she is participating in occasional “window shopping”.

A recent study shows that women are able to see subtle changes of expressions in a man’s face and determine if they like children.  The study also reveals that women preferred a long-term relationship with the men that did show an affinity for children.  For the men whose facial expressions did not show a fondness for children, women primarily opted for nothing more than a short-term relationship.  I kind of made my own conclusion on this, but I understand this to mean that they would date these men but only until they decided they were looking for a marriage partner.  These men would be okay for as long as she was still in “having fun” mode.  But that subject is for a future article.

This is not a one-sided affair however, because it works with other men too.  That’s right, there’s nothing wrong with a little man love.  I’d be lying if I told you that I didn’t have a man crush on some certain professional athletes and celebrities.  It is what it is.  The more manly term is actually ‘respect’.  I respect their ability to play football, act, sing, etc.  The same thing happens when you witness another man making the right decision and showing his children how to do things the right way.  This respect is, in a way, increased attractiveness (heterosexually speaking of course – in case you were wondering where my allegiances lie).  As a man, I am more willing and able to bond with another man if he is a positive role model for his children.  I would definitely distance myself from any that might abuse their children (either physically or verbally).

So there you have it.  Be a good Daddy and you’ll increase your attractiveness.   You will gain respect among others and the mother of your children will be more likely to allow herself to love you deeper.  According to Fathers.com, a recent poll reveals that “72% of Americans believe that the physical absence of a father is the most significant social problem facing our country.”  We are here to do our best to remedy that so if you are making your best effort to be a Daddy to your children then you already have our respect.  So get on with your big sexy daddy self!  We got your back.

You’ve probably heard this story.  Team Hoyt is Dick and Rick Hoyt and they have been racing marathons, triathlons, duathlons, iron man events, etc. for years.  This father son team is unlike any other.  Due to a tragedy at birth, Rick can neither walk or talk and uses a special computer to communicate.  Rick communicated one day to his dad, Dick, that he wanted to race in a marathon.  Dick was not a runner but made the decision to grant his son’s wish.  The rest is history.

While Rick is not able to walk or talk, through Dick he is able to soar.  You can’t help but wonder and ask yourself if you would do the same.  So grab some tissues after watching the video and know that your role as a Daddy means the world to your children.  You CAN help your children soar too.

“The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.”
– Theodore Hesburgh, Catholic Priest and President Emeritus of the University of Notre Dame

One of the first steps in being a positive role model for your children is to love their mother openly and affectionately.  The mother-child bond is easily the hardest bond to break between any two people.  We would all rather be nurtured than disciplined, supported rather than taught, or loved with affection rather than loved with toughness.  It is of little wonder that you seldom hear or read the words “Hi Dad” at sporting events or other public venues.  There is also little doubt that “tough love” is necessary for real life application and personal growth and generally “Daddy” is better equipped to give that.

Children need to see that their mother is loved.  I have two sons and each deserve to see a proper example on how to love a woman.  That’s not to say I’m claiming to be the perfect husband.  I have many flaws that need correcting – just ask her – but I am 100% sure she knows I love her.  I hope in some conscious or unconscious way they are taking notes, storing up memories, and learning why Daddy looks at Mommy in that way sometimes.

Public displays of affection are okay in my book (to a certain point of course).  I have no intention of getting his and hers matching tattoos or getting arrested for public indecency any time soon.  But… we do hold hands (usually after her initiative), I usually have my hand on her shoulder in church, and cute little peck kisses are not uncommon.  Date night is of the utter importance when we are able to secure a babysitter or our church holds their periodic Parents Night Out.  Keeping close to your wife is so vital to your family structure.  You may not always agree and you may not always want to be in the same room together but you can always reconcile and come back together.  And, well, making up…  that’s just a whole lot of fun.

I’ve come to realize that household chores should be shared as well.  How you share is up to you and your spouse I suppose.  My wife and I have not actually sat down to claim upkeep responsibilities and maybe we should.  My wife has more household duties “assigned” to her by assumption than what is actually considered fair.  Don’t get me wrong, I vacuum, do dishes, work on laundry, etc.  I just  have to admit it’s usually not equal.  And I don’t want to show my sons that it’s okay not to help around the house.  I’m willing to bet that some increased effort on my part to help a little more than I have will go along way in strengthening our relationship.  Either that or hiring a cleaning service if the means presents itself (which would be awesome).

I had a conversation with one of my brothers recently that really brings home what Jeff has said here. We were talking about my parents and their little idiosyncrasies and the conversation turned to the ways in which my parents show love for one another. And during that conversation we both realized that neither of us could think of a single instance where we ever doubted that our father truly loves our mother. Throughout all the years we’ve known them, never once has he ever given us a reason to believe he has anything but love and respect for her. Sure, there are times when he might have lost his patience or been upset but not once did he ever say or do anything, even in anger, that made us wonder if he loved our mother.

I think it was not only the love that my dad has for my mother but also the respect he showed her that has rubbed off on us more than anything. My mom and dad were truly equals in their marriage (at least in front of us kids) and in a time when you didn’t necessarily see that equality between man and woman.

This love and respect that I grew up witnessing on a daily basis is now the basis for my marriage and is what I hope to show my daughter through my actions towards her mother. Like Jeff, I know I’m not perfect. However, the one thing I hope I can do is show my daughter that her mother is loved.

I hope that my daughter will grow up knowing that she too deserves to be treated with nothing but love and respect. It’s so easy in today’s world, for girls especially, to grow up with so many insecurities that they often make poor decisions. If we daddies can help our daughters, even a little, by showing them how a good husband and a good daddy loves then it should be a very easy gift to give.

The idea for this site started with me, daddyjeff, during a Sociology class at Texas Tech University.  A recent study revealed a staggering percentage of births out-of-wedlock.  Maybe I’m old-fashioned, naive, or a bit too high on the optimism scale but the fact that about 40% of recent children were born out of wedlock floored me.  It broke my heart and I literally felt embarrassed as a man.  I pity the young children growing up, especially girls, if these are the types of trends and examples men are setting for them today to follow.  It is my personal stance that boys need to “Man up” and make better decisions and girls need to start applying higher standards.  More on those thoughts; however, as this site unfolds in the future.

In Appendix B of The 7 Secrets of Effective Fathers, Dr. Ken R Canfield PH.D., gives some research information from studies that show that children that grow up without a daddy are more likely to:

• drop out of high school
• suffer from poverty
• receive welfare
• marry early
• have children out of wedlock
• divorce
• commit delinquent acts
• engage in drug and alcohol abuse

He also goes on to explain that a daddy has a tremendous amount of influence on a child such as:

• the intellectual ability of his children
• the behavior his children will model
• the genetic background that his children receive
• his children’s ethnic heritage and their position in the family structure
• the occupational choices his children make
• the material resources his children are left with when he is gone
• the ways his children will behave toward their offspring
• the attitudes his children will hold regarding their children
• the memories his children will have after he dies or separates from the family

We believe a daddy’s role in the family is vital.  He brings strength to the family structure.  He solidifies self-esteem.  He leads the way in giving emotional support.  On the flip side, if the father is absent or even uninvolved, he weakens the family structure, he destroys self-esteem, and he causes years of emotional distress.  Therefore, our mission is to bring daddy back to his rightful place.  We are here to simply offer support and guidance from our house to yours in an effort to help your quest to be the best daddy you can be.

Now lets take a look deeper into the recently released study published at CNN.com – Out-of-wedlock births hit record high.  A few things jumped out at me while reading the article and reviewing the included charts.  The study shows that about 72% of black children were born out of wedlock and about 51% of latin descent.  Whites were at about 28% and it’s unclear at this time why there is such a huge discrepancy.  Culture obviously plays a role in it but it might be brought about by effects of economic conditions as well.  Throw in the fact that about half of marriages end in divorce and after divorce about half of fathers do not contact their children more than twice a month and you pretty much have finding a good daddy an exception to the rule.

It’s our prayer and hope that we are able to make a dent in those statistics.  Daddy is not a bad word and we fully intend to explain why.  Our goal is to be personable and approachable.  A site in which you are free to tell your story (whether male or female) and we will gladly share it for you.  We want to know what you think or how you feel about what we are writing so comment if a post grabs you in a certain way (positive or negative).

So learn with us, cry with us, and laugh with us as we share our experiences and you share yours.  We are officially proclaiming ourselves to be your daddy support team!  And we appreciate your support as well.